I don’t know how it happened or why, but suddenly he was just there, friends with my friends, apart of my group. I am different in his presence; nervous, twitchy, a little uncomfortable, enthralled, filled with adrenaline, alive. I try to think, I try to act normal, I try to talk to other people, but all I can do is think about him, look at him, and wonder how I can get him to think about me too. Somehow I think I manage to act natural, to act disinterested. He’s like a cat. The more I ignore him, the more he’ll want my attention. Hopefully.
Oh, but what if he doesn’t want it? What if he doesn’t talk to me? I think I’ll die if we keep on ignoring each other forever.
But to my surprise, delight, relief, and horror, he does talk to me. I’m so nervous I think I might die, but I act cool. I act natural. At least, I think I do. Fortunately, I acclimate to his burning presence rather quickly, and he doesn’t affect me as nearly as much as he used to. After all, I gave up hope on him a long, long time ago.
We talk, and I feel those long forgotten emotions stirring. He’s different, but still the same person I used to love so much.
We leave, and once again I feel like a normal person in a normal world. Everything else seems a little bit dull now, compared to him, but other than that, I’m back to normal.
Until the next time I see him again, of course. Like before, it was sprung upon my suddenly and I feel like the world has simultaneously frozen and sped up. It takes him less time than last to approach me. We talk a little bit easier this time. I laugh a little, and I feel a lot more secure in myself. I can’t help but think about the me he used to know and the me I am now. I wish he could know the me I am now. But maybe it’s best things ended the way they did. I’ve found other things to live for, and I could never go back to the way things were before.
My current admirer calls me, and I’m reminded of how I intended to push him away for good, but I don’t want to, because I want a safety net. I brace myself for the guilt I’ll feel in disappointing him, but then the subject keeps changing so fast and before I know it, he has to go and I still haven’t told him. I feel terribly guilty, and wish I had just gotten it over with.
And then I receive another phone call. It’s him. No, him. And the world stops and I can’t think about anyone else, and it scares me how quickly I’m losing myself. He’s flirting with me a little, there’s no denying it. But still, it’s best I don’t get my hopes up.
He asks me if I want to go the Jingle Ball with him. I laugh.
Jingle ball? With him? That type of thing would never happen to me.
He says, “I was just thinking about all the fun we had last time you came out, and I thought it would be great to do it again.”
I freeze, and try to build up emotional walls, because suddenly I feel so vulnerable.
“You’re not serious are you?” I ask, somewhat incredulously, as if he had made a joke.
There was silence. Then the awful truth struck me. He was serious. Totally and utterly, and I was horrified.
“Yes,” I whispered.
What had changed? Why was this happening? After all these years, when I finally feel like I’m moving on in my life, why is this happening now? I wanted to cry, and I wanted to look into the future and know if this would turn into anything or not. I wanted to retreat so that I didn’t get hurt again, and I wanted most desperately of all to know what he was thinking. But he didn’t say anything. Had I hurt his feelings? Had I just ruined our chances?
“Listen,” I said. “Remember that letter that I wrote you? That really huge one?”
He still doesn’t answer, but I know he’s listening.
“A lot has changed since then. I’ve changed so much since I wrote it. But not everything has changed.” I was referring to that tiny bit of hope I couldn’t ever let go of that somehow, in some way, things would work out between us. No matter how much I tried to suppress it, I couldn’t let it go.
He was still silent on the other end.
“I’d like to keep talking to you,” I finally finished lamely. I didn’t at all say everything I was feeling, but I was far too afraid that it would be too much for him, that I’d scare him away again. This time around, I was determined to be the aloof one.
“Okay,” he said, and then that conversation was over.
To my surprise, there was someone at my door.
“Oh,” I opened it to see my friend, could-be-beau.
“I thought we could go to a baseball game together!” he said cheerfully. Should I tell him that I don’t like sports? No, better not.
“Oh, cool. I didn’t know you were in town….”
I was excited to see him, but I didn’t know how to let him down gently. Why did this always happen to me?
Next thing I know, I’m being escorted around town by him, having a fun time, but weighed down by wanting him to be someone else and for the misunderstanding to be cleared.
And just like that, the dream was over, and I found myself shocked by the feelings that I thought were long gone. They pestered me for the rest of the day, coming up over and over again and all I wanted to do was get them to go away. The pain came back. Not as sharp as at the beginning, but still strong, and I felt as if all progress had been lost. Was this really the reality of my life? To pine after a love I spurned when I was just a girl?
She rushed through the halls, flying around the corners, weaving between the students. Sixty seconds to go, and she was nearly there. Just three more corridors. Two more corners to get around. She could do it.
Whack.
Notes. Everywhere.
She thought she had cleared the corner, but a third year with a fanged frisbee caught her eye and next thing she knew she had body-slammed another human, causing her notes to fly up everywhere. Had she really been carrying around that much parchment with her?
“Watch it, mudblood!”
She allowed herself one sigh of frustration before scurrying around to retrieve all of her missing notes.
Prompt: “Notes”
From http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com/
He's rich, dark, and handsome. And his smell? Shivers run up my spine just thinking about it. It seems like I can smell him from miles away, and whenever I do, I can't help but come to him. He draws me in with that seductive scent and the promise to make all of my problems go away if only for a moment. I'll never get used to how utterly content I feel around him. And when I draw him in to me? I feel energized. Renewed. Content. Ready to take on the world.
Some people tell me I should take it easy with him, maybe take things slower or quit him altogether. They say I'm becoming too dependent on him, that he's controlling my life too much and that he's not good for my health. But how can I believe him when he makes me feel this way? Whenever I stay away from him, life gets much, much worse. So I ignore what they say, and choose to look at the benefits instead. Like how he always makes me smile, how he's always there for me when I need him the most, how he never fails to greet me in the morning with a beautiful 'hello.' Oh, and let's not forget the way he smells.
Coffee. He's my greatest vice. And I'm not letting go anytime soon.
Breakfast is great for breakfast. And also for lunch. And dinner too. In fact, I could eat breakfast all day long. There's no end to the deliciousness, really. Muffins? Pancakes? Waffles? Oatmeal? Yogurt? Granola? Fruit? Bread? Croissants? Yes, please. The best part about breakfast food is that it all goes really great with my favorite thing to consume: coffee. I love breakfast so much that it certainly can't be contained to one measly meal a day. No sir, breakfast is best consumed during all times of the day. Come over for dinner some time, I'll show you.
I just finished Book 1 off of my 50 titles long Summer Reading List. I have mixed feelings about the book. I’m not entirely sure what Jonathan Swift was trying to get across, but the one thing that kept on driving me nuts was how much of a jerk the protagonist was. He spent a good portion of his lifetime leaving his wife and kids at home to their own devices so he could chase money and adventure. When he did finally return home from good, he was so outrageously horrified and disgusted by his own family that he could no longer treat them as equals but treated them as the animals he met on his adventures. The feminine instincts in me can’t stop dwelling upon how damaging this must have been to his wife and children. However, there are certainly extremely positive aspects to the book as well.
For one, I appreciate how the book causes one to take a step back from society and view humanity for what it really is. We are so utterly proud of our language, culture, significance, and prowess, and when we see our world for how it truly is, it’s laughable. Swift uses his made up countries and people as a comparison, but all through the book I couldn’t help but think of very real comparisons we might be making in order to get a more realistic view of ourselves. When compared to the uncorrupted angels in heaven, and even God Himself, we pale in comparison and even the most glorious, intelligent, and impressive things we do are as pathetic as the Yahoo’s. We are fickle, prideful, filthy, immoral creatures and the book caused me to wonder that such a magnificent God could forbear to annihilate us. I appreciate being able to have that perspective, but all in all, the book was not one that I enjoyed reading and I will probably not do so again.
To be read before September 1st:
1. Vanity Fair
2. A Midsummer Night’s Dream
3. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
4. Men of Iron
5. Pilgrim’s Progress
6. Heaven is for Real
7. Macbeth
8. Hamlet
9. Don Quixote
10. Utopia
11. The Importance of Being Earnest
12. Paradise Lost
13. Gulliver’s Travels
14. Fairy Tales of Hans Christian Anderson
15. The Scarlet Letter
16. Great Expectations
17. Uncle Tom’s Cabin
18. The Man in the Iron Mask
19. How to Speak and Write Correctly
20. The Time Machine
21. Anna Karenina
22. War and Peace
23. Treasure Island
24. Ulysses
25. Ben Hur
26. Nicholas Nickelby
27. The Beautiful and Damned
28. Game of Thrones
29. The Return of Sherlock Holmes
30. The Three Musketeers
31. The Hobbit
32. Around the World in 80 Days
33. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
34. The War of the Worlds
35. The Picture of Dorian Gray
36. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
37. The Jungle Book
38. Kidnapped
39. Oliver Twist
40. The Secret Garden
41. The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood
42. Phantom of the Opera
43. Dracula
44. Tarzan of the Apes
45. Grimm’s Fairy Stories
46. The Legends of King Arthur and his Knights
47. The Once and Future King
48. White Fang
49. Frankenstein
50. The Raven
1. Make Homemade lemonade
2. Buy a coconut and then consume it
3. Have a barbecue
4. Have a wine and cheese tasting party
5. Go to a Farmer’s Market
6. Hike to the top of the Peak
7. Go on a picnic
8. Go to the zoo. Preferably with a small child, in a non-pedophile type way.
9. Take a yoga class
10. Get a pedicure
11. Read 50 books before September 1st
12. Watch the sunrise with a friend
13. Paint something
14. Write in my journal EVERY NIGHT
15. Post in my blog at least 2x a week
16. Have a late night IHOP date with my bestie
17. Learn to speak with a French or British accent
18. Sew a dress, all on my own
19. Write 70 letters ‘just because’
20. Run 5k without stopping once to rest
21. Say yes to everything I’m asked to do for an entire day
22. One word: S’mores
23. Smoke a cigar with my bestie at sunset
24. Paint with sidewalk chalk with my nieces
25. Have a Matt Damon movie fest with ice cream and bagel bites
26. Go to the library
27. Go blonde! (or rather, almost blonde)
28. Go running in the Rio Grande bosque
29. Plant something
30. Paint your own flower pot
31. Clean out the closet (eek!). Have no mercy for sentimental and useless items.
32. Swear off caffeine, sugar, artificial sweeteners, and white flour for a whole month
33. Go camping
34. Take at least one photo every single day for June and July
35. Have a fondue dinner
35. Write down 5 things I’m grateful for every day for June and July
I don’t know how she did it, that tiny little 6 pounds and 10 ounces of flesh, but she changed my life. When I heard she was coming, this panic and urgency filled me, and I immediately booked the ticket to make sure I was there. At first, it was just as much an urgency to get away from who I was with and where I was, but as the miles flew behind me, I realized that something bigger was happening that day.
Like every little girl that ever existed, I liked babies and baby dolls. I planned to have kids some day. But unlike many girls, I didn’t seek out opportunities to put the little ones in my care. Mostly I didn’t think about them at all. Everyone else was so obsessed, so I let them dote and fawn and surround the little terrors while I hung out somewhere in the background, usually with food and adult conversation.
But as I watched and waited for my very first niece to come into the world, there was a shift. Suddenly my instinct was uncontrollable. I loved her. Loved her more than I ever could have expected to. She was wonderful and beautiful and perfect, and I just knew we were going to have a special relationship. I would do anything, go anywhere, for that little girl. The love I felt seemed larger than normal. Could all the aunts walk around in the world and feel this without showing it somehow?
It’s been over three years since I first met my precious little girl. I was right. I think we do have something special. I adore her, and she seems to adore me too. I’ll never forget when we all came home to Mom and Dad’s for Christmas. I was so excited to see her, and she didn’t know I was coming. I came around the corner, and she was just standing there. We both froze, looking at each other for a moment, before I grinned and shouted her name. I had no idea what she would do, because she always acts timid around me at first. But this time she didn’t. She looked at me with wide, smiling eyes and….
Screamed. As if her life depended on it. It was the cutest little scream I ever heard. And then she turned and ran. It wasn’t quite the greeting I had imagined, but it was still surprisingly wonderful. I spent the next five minutes chasing her around the house before I caught her and started loving on her.
We’re an ocean apart again, but I think about her all the time. That precious little thing has grown into such a beautiful, silly, wonderful little girl and I can’t wait until we can terrorize each other again.
hermidnightquill 